kJ’s paradise~

A great friend of mine from Philippines, passed away this early November.

Ralph EJ Bautista, 21 years old (18th March 1987 - 5th November 2008).

It’s sad to know it only after weeks. Nobody knew about it till his dad sent out an email to be circulated around friends. I was shocked. Very shocked to find that my dear friend is no longer here with me.

He was in a comma after his car crashed into a truck due to the sleepiness of his driver on the 21st of Oct. He was with the other 5 family members- all of them survived including the driver, but his condition wasnt stable since he was admitted into the emergency ward. After went into coma for 2 weeks, he finally left all of us to be back with Lord on the 5th of November.

He was such a nice person. He accompanied me when i was lonely in NZ. He talked to me when i was lost. He stood by me when i needed support. He shared my problems when i was down.

But guess i took things for granted. I never appreciate what has been given to me for free- i set him free and never paid an effort trying to keep.

It was after months when we started talking again via MSN. He’s doing good. He said he missed me. But i didnt want anything to happen again as to be blamed as intruders into people’s relationship, i did a clear cut between friendship and relationship. He said he’s been waiting for me to come online - but i appeared offline instead.

It was only 2 weeks after he’s gone- i realised it’s been quite quiet from his side and shocked to find out from facebook page that he’s no longer here, with us.

I broke down to cry. I could do nothing but to fly over to console his family. But that will never bring him back.

Baby, it’s my one last time of calling you baby, i hope you will be doing good up there in the heaven. You were a sick person- perhaps God took you away to let you start a brand new life without needing to suffer. I will never forget every single moment we’ve spent in NZ, i appreciate whatever you’ve done for me, I treasure the night you gave me a big hug, and i shall remember how your big eyes stared into mine to give me the confidence.

All these remain deep down in my heart as part of me, It will not be buried together though you were gone.

The wallet you posted to me, together with the promises, i will keep them safe with me. Very safe with me.

Loving, and missing you.

May you rest in peace, Ralph.

I was loitering around the mall. I was just wasting some time before heading back to office.

At one glance, i thought i saw him. I thought, i did.

I didnt walk forward. I didnt want to approach. I back away, i disappeared myself in the massive crowd.

It made me thought of some time, and realized, of all ex-bf(s) i have, there’s only one (1) who is still in good talking terms right now. I mean, real good though he’s engaged to a sweet girl.

I sincerely wish them all the best. and glad he’s not a bypasser of my life. I treasure friends. and the bond in between.

Somehow we always lose ‘a friend’ after being more than friend. I understand people move on with life- so am i- but there’s not many people who can be friends again after the hurtful heartbreaking relationship reflected onto the maimed heart.

Some people chose to hide away, some people is still afraid that ex-gf will threaten the current one, some people goes offline for the rest of the life and am in the blocked-list.

Some people, chose to be ignorant because he didnt get what he wanted.

Someone who has had a great impact onto my life, chose to hide the current ones, despite whatever he is doing hurts the ex. He is a strong believer in religion, he probably thinks i’m such a devil who have tempted him out of the cage. It’s over, the relationship is over. But he’s still afraid that i will go near his current partner, tries all his best to protect them and make me stay away to know the truth.

I was confused. I thought we are still friends- i thought. Just that moment i realize i was just a toy. Perhaps after the relationship was over life is back to normal - he’s back to the ‘right’ track which was not supposed to be diverted to any other path.

But i finally understand the whole situation. Why should i still be bothered when i wasnt even in the picture?

It was only yesterday that i suddenly realized, burst into tears, then laughter, and sigh to the fact that I was such an idiot to understand the whole picture after months.

Someone else, who persuaded me that a long distance relationship works if we both have faith in it- made me so touched that i thought he could be the one. But the next second i saw the 20% of uncertainty in his eyes- so i hold back.

and now that it has ended- and have ended so badly that i could never even gotten a chance to see him again.

The others, i guess i’ve been long deleted from their lives. Long gone .. long gone.

There’s one particular friend who i treasure much. I thought he would never want to forgive me for giving up in the relationship. It was after years that he has the courage to talk to me again, i was glad. and am still glad that we talk. We could talk about anything- we meet once a while (really after a while) but could catch up a lot. It’s great knowing that he’s doing really fine far in a foreign country. It’s glad to know he’s now in a very stable commited relationship.

People who’ve hurt me, people whom i’ve hurt, are all part of my life. They made me into who i am today, no matter to a better or worse person, but i still treasure the memories they have given me.

I suddenly felt such a relief. I took a big breathe. I looked up to the sky.

I took so long to walk out of the gloomy world.

Life, isnt so bad after all

-kj-

Hello,

I need 6 girls for the following event and must be able to fit into the requirements:

Event: Property Launch 2009
Date: 19 November 2008 (Wednesday)
Venue: Ampang
Time: 5pm-9pm (Standby at 3.30pm)

Requirements:
#1 Pleasant looking
#2 Height at least 5’4’’
#3 race: Chinese - able to converse in fluent English.
#4 Able to do a lil PR work to talk to the VIPs in English.

Job Scopes:
#1 Bringing the VIPs into the showroom.
#2 Smile for the camera.

Please send your profiles with pictures to kjseow@gmail.com

Cheers.
KJ

I walked around aimlessly. I browse through the online version of the stories repetitively.

I found no one.

It was just a day before which i was still alright- but the next minute i was totally shoke off my dreams.

When you have encounter times which you are really in deep shit, you dont even feel like talking to anyone. You feel like running away- but deep down in you you know it’s just bullshit. There’s no point to hide away from problems.

Best is to face it with courage.

I’ve made a decision. But was then affected by a later speech- was it good or bad. Neither of it should influence my mindset and the decisions I’ve made- at least this is what i thought.

I’ve been such a selfish person. Now that i’ve discovered more about myself i felt ashame of who i am.

But no regrets- we shouldnt be regretting over spilled milk.

I’m glad i’m able to think it more thoroughly. I should be seeing things in a wider perspective in the coming days- from a new point of view.

Hopefully, things can be executed as per planned.

God Bless.

-kj-

Hello,

I need 1 girl for the following event and must be able to fit into the requirements:

Event: Eggy promotion

Date: 1^st November to 28^th December 2008 (Every Saturday and Sunday only)

Venue: around Klang Valley (transportation can be arranged if needed). One location each week.

Time: 10am-10pm

Break time: 1 hour for lunch and 1 hour for dinner.

Requirements:

#1 Presentable look.

#2 Good communication skills.

#3 Preferably if you can commit the full 2 months of weekends – but if you can’t please advise earlier I will need to find a replacement.

Job Scopes:

#1 Product promotion explanation (Eggs)

#2 Not a sales-oriented task, but it would be good if you are able to sell the eggs.

Please send your profiles with pictures to kjseow@gmail.com

Write to me for more information.

Cheers.

KJ

Since i’m leaving soon, my dad has decided to sell my myvi - but at the same time i need transportation to go around ! No bicycle at home though- so how?

After much negotiation we’ve finally agreed to get this car last week-

so have been anticipated for the arrival of my new car till this morning ————

presenting——–

WAH!

i was all alone- fell into deep thoughts.

i suddenly feel the blues. The fear. The loneliness which I foresee to be getting in a couple of months. Does it worth all the efforts of me going somewhere else - staying away from home - leaving all my friends -

Why am i taking such blame when it’s not meant to be mine?

I saw them the other day. She showed a sense of hostility. I felt it straight down to my spine. He showed the uncomfortable look- obviously because of my appearance.

I was calm - but i walked away.

Was it my fauly. I need to question myself. Was it all over.

It’s sad to know how things turn bad out of my control.

I thought i was supposed to run- somehow i will be running to a place full of obsessions too.

Sigh. Perhaps this is life.

I need 6 girls for the following event and must be able to fit into the requirements:

Event: PC Fair 2008

Date: 12-14 December 2008

Venue: KLCC Convention Hall

Time: 11am-9pm

Requirements:

#1 Pleasant looking and pretty

#2 Height at least 5’4’’

#3 Chinese

#4 Good command in English and any Chinese dialects (Mandarin / Cantonese)  

~ Please make sure you are multilingual. I will call you to do an interview.

Job Scopes:

#1 Flyers distribution

#2 Basic knowledge of product (training will be given)

#3 Not a sales-oriented task, but it would be good if you are able to understand the product and help in doing explanation. Further sales task you can lead the customers to the relevant dealer.

Payment: Good, {to be advised via phone upon chosen}

Please send your profiles with pictures to kjseow@gmail.com

Cheers.

KJ

Feel like writing today - it’s a combination of some mixed feeling. Malaysian term - Rojak feel.

I have a lot of things to write but have been procrastinating badly - i havent even touched on the Taiwan topic or maybe i wouldnt even want to mention anymore- pictures speak a thousand words i guess i will just set up the picture album soon and post them all there.

Just came back from Perhentian Island. Took part in a race - a tough race which is something like a trialthlon race but this time involves kayak-ing instead of cycling. Trail running was not an easy task - i remember i almost gave up half way running uphill - but it’s all the sense of ‘revenge’ deep down in me which pushed me to go further- to prove that i can also do it. So i won.

The biggest regretful thing i’ve ever done is to message him to inform that I’ve won some cash money because i was in the final top 10.

That’s also the reason why i feel so down right now. I guess it’s just me who’s been twirling things, who has been dreaming in the past. I used to tell myself to let go, but i guess the incident today totally shocked me up and i will never want to turn back time.

It’s all over. I told myself quietly that it’s all over.

Maybe i’m indeed a typical melancholic. I wanted to write something to cheer up my readers- some happy stuffs but now it ends up to be sad. I was moody. I didnt feel like talking.

I was contemplating to accept the TN form or not- a place which will bring me far far away for at least a few months. I was hesitating, but now have more certainty.

It’s time. It’s the right time to let go.

I know. You know. We both know.

Take a deep breathe, start a new life.

It’s just ex after all.

I felt as if i’m grown up so much, just in a couple of days.

Everything seems so fragile, so vulnerable that those normal easy tasks can break me anytime.

We evolve through life. We learn from our mistakes everyday and hopefully not repeating them in the future. We want the best in life. We want it so much that sometimes we tend to abandon our conscience, the sincerity in life.

I look back- realizing it’s all gone. All gone.

What have i gone so far- I lost myself in the reality of life. For the greed, the so-called aim in life.

Have i achieved what i wanted so far?

Heal the world- Heal me. Make it a better place. For you and for me-

Just that moment, i felt the pain. Why have i been backtracking. Why?

You touched my heart. But you’ve also gone far. I cant blame anyone for such decision. I chose to give up anyway.

I have to make a right choice this time. I know i have to.